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Friday, June 12, 2009

How To Deal With Conflicts?

"You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you." Brian Tracy

Because we are individuals, our life experience is unique. There will be disagreement or conflict. At some point in time, someone is not going to agree with your opinion or do things your way. Conflict. It will eventually happen. None of us has the ability to control others or our environment no matter how hard we try or want to. In the long run, trying to control others is tiring and usually backfires.


Conflict is an internal experience related to an external source. You feel threatened in some way. I know "threatened" is a strong word to use, but that is what your subconscious is perceiving. When a threat is perceived your body releases adrenaline and cortisol. As a result of that, your body goes into survival mode typically known as a fight, flight or freeze response.

Your response to someone not agreeing with your point of view is a learned behavior. Your family taught you how to handle conflict by example. Many families, however, do not deal with conflict in a positive way. They might not have been the best examples of effective communication.

Set up while tapping on the Karate Chop point on the side of the hand
"Even though I have these conflicts and I don't feel safe, I deeply love and accept all parts of myself.
"Even though I avoid conflict at all costs, I accept my feelings and who I am."
"Even though I don't stand up for myself when I have conflict, I choose to appreciate who I am and how I feel."

Eyebrow: "I obviously have conflicts."
Side of Eye: "These conflicts feel unsafe."
Under Eye: "I feel conflict when I feel threatened by other people?"
Nose: "I don't feel like myself when I'm being put on the spot?"
Chin: "I'm willing to resolve the conflict but I don't know how."
Collarbone: "I won't feel safe if I state how I feel."
Under Arm: "I'm afraid to deal with conflict so I avoid it at all cost."
Head: "I don't feel safe when I picture myself standing up for myself with certain people."

Eyebrow: "I want to focus and resolve these feelings about conflict."
Side of Eye: "I can feel safe even when I stand up for myself and am honest about my needs."
Under Eye: "I choose to resolve these fears about conflict and using my voice."
Nose: "I can release my fear of being threatened and that my needs don't count."
Chin: "I choose to feel safe even if I'm speaking up for myself."
Collarbone: "If they don't agree with my needs, that is okay."
Under Arm: "I love feeling this positive energy around finding my voice."
Head: "I appreciate feeling so hopeful about speaking my truth."

Instead of focusing on the problem and trying to get away from where you don't want to be, focus on the solution and where you want to go. Consider the fact that the Law of Attraction is always at work. You will attract to yourself what you are focused upon. If you are focusing on the threat you feel when someone does not agree with you, then you will respond from a place of fear and avoidance. Focus on the direction that you would like to move toward because you know you deserve to do that.

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3 comments:

Tita Beng said...

Hah! I learned from here. This is a very helpful information Madz!

How are you doin' now? Lakas na ba sumipa ni baby?

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Keats The Sunshine Girl said...

That's true. When in conflict we have to think of how to solve a situation. Maintaining a calm mind is one of the ways.

Lynn said...

hello sistah!

musta naman ka? musta na imo pregnancy? hope u're doing well, mommy to be. (",)

niwey, got something for u...
http://tweetartz.blogspot.com/2009/06/awards-awards.html

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